Noah was running around the house tonight dancing and singing his heart out.

Me:  Noah, what are you singing?

Noah:  Disco, disco Gospel.  It can change anyone’s heart.

Me:  Where did you hear that song?

Noah:  I got the idea from the Go Fish cd.

Me:  Oh, do you mean, “Go and share the Gospel.  It can change anyone’e heart?”

Noah:  No.  It goes “disco, disco Gospel. It can change anyone’s heart.”

Oh, how God must chuckle sometimes….

Me:  Hey guys.  How’s it going?
Simon:  Good.
Noah:  I’m trying to find the story of Little Joe in here.  Simon doesn’t know that one and I want to read it to him.  I just know it’s in here somewhere…
Me: turn and walk out of the room before I bust out laughing.

(For those of you that don’t know, Little Joe is the Veggie Tale version of Joseph (Genesis 37-47).  They are going to have to look a long time to find a Cucumber and a Tomato in that children’s Bible!)

Amazing how Veggie Tales is shaping the theology of a generation. 

October 26th. Happy 4th Birthday Noah! Wow, it is impossible to believe that you are already 4 years old! (I’m stuck by how quickly time passes. More and more, I wish I had a pause button to push on life.)

Noah, I’m so proud of who you are. You are someone who loves deeply. God is going to use that to accomplish great things in and through you. You have the gift of love and compassion. You care deeply. It is awesome to see that in you! I know that at times you are going to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders (kind of like your mom!) but I also know that this sort of love is an amazing gift. I love your laugh, your smile and most of all your wink. (You know exactly when and how to use that!) Daddy and I marvel as we watch your love of music develop – drums and guitars are such a huge part of our home right now. It’s so fun to play Legos and make-believe with you. Every day with you is an adventure! Your inquisitive mind certainly keeps me on my toes! 4 is a very cool age and you are a very cool kid!

Happy Birthday Buddy! I pray that you have a spectacular year as you grow in God’s grace and love!
Love, Mommy

Today was a day to celebrate Levi and to thank God for the gift of his life.  Mike took the day off of work and we just spent time together as a family.  Our morning was spent hanging out and opening Levi’s presents.  We celebrated his birthday lunch with Wouletts’ cupcakes (a family favorite!).  After naptime, we went to Aamodt’s Apple Orchard and had a blast!  On our way home, we stopped at Red Robin for supper.  While at supper, Levi learned how to drink out of a straw, was sung to and had a hot fudge sundae (most of which he graciously shared with the rest of us!)  The entire day was a fun celebration!

I have been reflecting upon Levi’s birth today.  Levi entered the world 11 days late.  The wait was long, but when he decided he was ready to come, boy was he ready!

I woke up in labor on October 15 at 2:30 am.  I remember leaning over to Mike and saying, “I think I’m in labor.”  What I meant was, “This is it!”  What Mike, in his sleep-deprived mind heard was, “Probably another false alarm.”  At 2:50, Noah called me into his room.  After comforting him for a few minutes (and dealing with a contraction at the same time), I called Mike in and was able to tell him that this was really it! ☺  We still chuckle about how long it took us to get our communication signals working!

We called our midwife and she told me to take a hot shower and call her back in an hour.  Well, my gut told me we shouldn’t sit idle. We called my parents and told them to come over.  By the time I took my shower and continued my stretches, my contractions were getting rather close together.  My parents arrived shortly after 3:30 am.  We called my midwife back and I convinced her that it really was time.  (My labor with Noah was 15+ hours so none of us, my midwife included, really expected any need to rush!)

Mike and I arrived at the hospital around 4 am.  By the time we parked, walked up to labor & delivery and got assessed, I was dilated to 8! (My midwife later confessed to me that when the hospital called her to give her an update, she ran 4 stoplights to make it to the hospital in time!)

My labor with Levi was exactly as I had prayed it would be.  I was able to give birth to him naturally.  I have never felt more like my body was doing exactly what it was created to do than during this labor.  I look forward to my labors.  For me, labor is a powerful, earthy experience.  It is a time when Mike and I need to work together unlike any other. It is a very intimate experience.  It is a time when I stand in awe of how God created my body and how He brings life into the world.

Levi came hard and fast.  At the hospital, I remember thinking that I just wanted a hair-twistie to keep my hair out of my face, but there wasn’t time to open my suitcase!  At 6:32 am, 4 hours after waking up in labor, Levi Alan entered the world!  What a time of celebration!  Levi weighed 8#9 oz, and was 21.5″ long.

From the time we first held Levi against our chests, he has been a great source of joy to our family!  Since his birth, we have called him “our bundle of joy.”  From his earliest days he has brought smiles and laughter to our household.  He has changed so much in this year.  He has gone from being a snuggly newborn who would sleep on my chest each afternoon to a gerber-faced, pudgy infant.  Now he is an out-going toddler who is walking all over and is always on the verge of cracking a grin. Levi is our comedian.  He tries to make us smile and giggles with glee when he does.  His belly laughs often echo through our home as he plays with Noah, begs to be tickled or the boys wrestle with daddy.  I truly do stand in awe of the gift of this child. I eagerly anticipate seeing what God has in store for Levi.  I love you buddy!  You are our bundle of joy!  Happy Birthday!

Speaking of the lake, I found out last night that my cousin (and dear friend!) Megan, is able to be there!  I’m thrilled.  She lives in Billings, MT and I haven’t seen her in 2 years.  I’m excited to have an entire week to connect with her and her mom!  This is going to be a great vacation!!!

Here are a few pictures of the reunion at the airport.

November 22, 2007
THANKS-LIVING IN NEW BLESSING:

1 Samuel 1:26-28: And Hannah said to him, “As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD.  I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And she worshiped the LORD there.

The past three years of parenting have been an amazing journey of blessing, challenge, joy, heartache, being humbled and standing in awe of the blessings God has given to me. I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn about being a mom and that I can’t do it apart from relying upon the Lord.  The words of Nehemiah in Nehemiah 8:10 have been a resounding theme through my time as a mother.  These words read, “The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.”

Mike and I have been blessed greatly with three children. I can honestly say that my greatest desire as a mother is that my children belong to the Lord.

Noah is a 3 year old that brings countless smiles to my heart.  His affectionate hugs and kisses, his love of instruments and his constant climbing and activity level keep my life from being anything but boring!  In the times of laughter and in the challenges of raising a 3 year old, I am reminded again of the words of Nehemiah, “The Joy of the Lord is my strength.”  I thank God for the joy of raising Noah.

Our middle child died in my womb before we were ever able to hold or kiss him.  We call have named this precious little one our “Glory Baby.”  The loss of this child brought profound pain and sadness to my life.  However, it has also brought blessing beyond anything I could have imagined.  I rest knowing that my Glory Baby is resting in my Savior’s arms.  I am confident that one day, I will be united with this precious child.  I look forward to the day that I can hold, kiss and rock this little one.  Through the pain and the blessings of Glory Baby’s short life and Glory baby’s untimely death, I confidently say that “the Joy of the Lord is my Strength.”

Just 5 weeks ago, the Lord blessed us with a baby boy, Levi Alan.  As we marvel again at the miracle of life, we praise God for the gift of a healthy baby.  Through the wonder of seeing Levi’s little fingers wrap around mine, the challenges of sleepless nights, and all the concern that come with having a newborn, I can truly say that the “Joy of the Lord is my Strength.”

We have chosen each of our children’s names in large part because of their meaning.  Noah means “rest and comforter.”  In the Bible, Noah listened to the Lord and was obedient to him when it wasn’t evident what the Lord’s plan was. Our prayer is that our Noah will live his life learning to listen to, and obey the Lord, even in the face of great opposition and when it is the hard thing to do.

The name Levi means to “join or belong.”  Our prayer is that the Lord will daily join Levi to Him, binding Levi’s heart to His.  We pray that the Lord will allow Levi to serve Him the way the tribe of Levi served the Lord.

I truly Praise the Lord this Thanksgiving for the blessings he has given to me…the blessings of a wonderful husband, a delightful 3 year old boy, my Glory Baby, and the new blessing of a beautiful, healthy boy.

And so, I close with the words of Hannah from 1 Samuel, “I prayed for these children, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give them to the LORD. For their whole life they will be given over to the LORD.”

Anyway, back to the book. I confess that I have looked at it many times in the past year, but I never really started to read it. On Saturday night, I knew I needed something to begin processing through this baby’s death and dealing with my grief. I’ve been doing an excellent job of hiding from the reality of it. My grief became intense, overwhelming and lonely.

I opened up the book. It was written for me. It may be written for you. It was written for anyone who has experienced the loss of an unborn or newly born child. It is written for the parent who lost a baby 2 days ago, 2 years ago or 20 years ago. In the opening pages, the author writes the following excerpt. Perhaps you can relate.

“Grieving the Child I Never Knew is not a how-to book with pat answers about grieving the loss of a child. My hope is that this book will become your personal companion. Think of it as your trusted friend, who walks beside you and gives you permission to be who you are and where you are in your journey. If you are hiding your pain or hiding from people, then discover how God will meet you in your isolation. If you are suffering and need to cry, then weep with all your heart. If you feel like relating to others to help them through a similar journey, then connect. And if you are seeking hope, help and healing to press on in your future, then start today.

Whether you’ve recently suffered loss or lost a child long ago, my prayer is that Grieving the child I never knew will be a tool to guide you to a deeper understanding of who God is and will meet you in the pain of your loss and point you to Him” (page 13).

Grieving the Child I Never Knew is a powerful book consisting of 31 devotions that are intended to help begin the journey of grief and healing. It is a journey that I am embarking on. If you find yourself in a similar circumstance, I invite you to join me. I will be giving this book to anyone in my life that loses a child.

(Oh, and Diane, thanks for being with me as I begin yet another journey. You are a blessing.)