Heidi Bruder

Once again, it has been far too long since I’ve posted.  Much is going on in life right now and many people have been asking for updates so here we go!

Grad School:

As I write this, Mike is at the last class session of his MBA program!  Wow.  2 years, a lot of life changes and an intense amount of hard work later and he is done!  It is time to celebrate!!!  I hope his classmates have started tonight!  (I should note that his last class period was at O’Gara’s in St. Paul – his classmates and many of his profs were going to be present…I’m sure it’s very academic.    ).  I am so proud of Mike and this achievement!  Graduation is May 16th!   I hope you can join us later this summer because we are going to have a big party to celebrate! As busy as the past two years have been, I marvel at God’s provision in terms of time, energy and endurance for our entire family.  Mike and I have often commented that although this period of life has been busy and involved a lot of juggling, it has never been a burden.  I’m excited to see what the “next” chapter holds for us as a family.

Pregnancy Update:

I had my 39 week appointment today with my midwife.  Again, it’s hard to wrap my mind around the reality of Rachel’s impending arrivial!  We are all getting excited.  Rachel has dropped quite a bit since my last appointment.  She is at -1 at this point and her head is no longer able to be felt externally  so we’re heading in the right direction!  Contractions are an everyday part of life.  I probably have 3 dozen+/day.  They increase as the day goes on, but haven’t progressed.  They aren’t painful, just keeping me aware of Rachel’s presence!

A friend asked me today how I’m doing with the “waiting.”  As of now (remember I am dealing with an extreme amount of hormones so this could change at any point!   ), I am content.  Both Noah and Levi were nearly 42 weeks before they made their arrivial so I’m psyched up for a wait.  More than anything, however, I’m just enjoying time with my boys and the relative “simplicity” of life.  I’m especially trying to soak up time with Levi…he is still such a little guy and I’ve been enjoying a lot of extra hugs and snuggles.  It’s difficult for me to fathom that he’s soon going to be a “big brother.”  I can see my own “middle child syndrome” coming out as I process through how I’m going to meet the needs of each of the children.

Prayer Requests:

Someone asked me how they can be praying for us.  My two prayer requests at this point are as follows…

1.  The details and timing surrounding Rachel’s birth.  Levi’s birth was short.  We know that there isn’t time to waste when labor begins with Rachel.  I’m praying we are all able to get to where we need to be in a relatively stress-free fashion.

2.  The upcoming adjustment for our entire family — especially for Noah and Levi.
More to follow in the coming days!

Wow, I have a lot of updates to post about some very cool ways God has provided, my pregnancy (have I mentioned we are having a girl?!) and just some everyday Bruder updates.  For now, just a quick funny story…

Noah was running around the house tonight dancing and singing his heart out.

Me:  Noah, what are you singing?

Noah:  Disco, disco Gospel.  It can change anyone’s heart.

Me:  Where did you hear that song?

Noah:  I got the idea from the Go Fish cd.

Me:  Oh, do you mean, “Go and share the Gospel.  It can change anyone’e heart?”

Noah:  No.  It goes “disco, disco Gospel. It can change anyone’s heart.”

Oh, how God must chuckle sometimes….

This is a repost from my dear friend Carolyn’s blog. It really made me stop and think. Thanks for challenging me, Caro!  This is well worth the read.

We need to talk about the food shelf.
We need to talk.

There seems to be a misunderstanding about the food shelf. And I’d like to take a moment to help you understand the purpose of it and to give you a better picture of the kind of people it serves. You can’t turn on the radio or walk into a local business this time of year without seeing some kind of food drive or request for canned goods. My grocery stores offer grocery bags already filled with food shelf items that you can buy for $5 or $10. You bring a canned item to the local tanning booth and you get a free tan. (Not a joke).

What catalyzed this conversation (and I really hope that it is) is an e-mail I got from Caribou Coffee, one of the largest coffee chains here in MN. Their latest promotion is to get you, the kind-hearted consumer, to purchase a pound of coffee beans to donate to the local food shelf. And you get a free drink for doing so. Woohoo. Caribou says that one of the most requested food items is coffee. So let’s all fight hunger in the US by donating at $12/lb bag of coffee, right? As you can already tell, I’m dripping with sarcasm.

So let’s talk about the purpose of the food shelf. Pretty simple, right? People don’t have enough money for food. Some people spend their money on lottery tickets. Some people don’t make more than minimum wage. Some are bums. Some are hard-working families who just don’t make enough to cover the rent and food. Some have too much credit card debt and can’t afford food. Some just got laid off from their high-paying jobs and didn’t have any savings. The kinds of people that visit the food shelf are as varied as the fish in the sea. The point is, you have to get the stereotype out of your head. They are people. Families. Those with needs…so pretty much people like me and you.

Although the food shelf (especially those supported by the government) does get money to purchase food, they are greatly dependent on the generosity of people. People like me and you.

So here’s my beef. What would happen if instead of donating a basket of nonperishables that can actually fill a belly and are healthy, everyone decided to donate a pound of bitter coffee? Or what if we continued to empty out our cupboards of ONLY the extra cans of jellied cranberries, lime Jell-O, generic tuna casserolle (but not the $4 jar of alfredo sauce–that’s too yummy) for the food drive? Here’s what would happen…a family in need would go to the food shelf and walk away with a box containing things like this: a bag of stale donuts, a container of caramel corn, a box of candy canes, a really old box of hamburger helper, etc. You think that doesn’t happen. It did. To me.

Not more than 4 years ago Skip and I moved our family back to Minnesota from California. We were financially destitute. Poor choices, high cost of living and a job that paid next to nothing put us in a very bad financial position. I had to swallow my pride and sign our family up at the local food shelf. In my mind, the food shelf was only reserved for those on welfare. Not so. While most of my experience with the food shelf was wonderful, when we moved to another county, I was horrified at what they had to offer. A grocery bag of stale donuts. A container of caramel corn. A box of candy canes. Seriously. How was I supposed to feed my family with crap like that? Although many Americans would be excited about a package of danishes, I was not. I wanted something that would nourish us, not make us fat. That was my last trip to the food shelf.

So we are at a crossroads now. My kids have had food drives at school this month. There will undoubtedly be a group going door-to-door collecting food for the food shelf. What are you going to give? Are you going to weed out the cans that have been sitting there for over a year because you won’t eat them, thinking, “Hey, if someone is really hungry enough, they’ll eat anything!” Or will you fill that bag with the kind of food you feed yourself or your own children? Essentially you are feeding someone else’s kids. Would you have someone over and feed them crappy food? You know you wouldn’t. You would probably spend more on company than you normally would on your own family. Why not hold off on that $12 bag of coffee and go fill your cart with quality food for another family. Then drive it over to the food shelf yourself and volunteer to hand it out. I guarantee your perspective will change. Or think of us. Would you have my family over to dinner and feed it to us? Make your donations really count. Make it a sacrifice because then it will really mean something to you instead of being a relief that you can finally get your cupboard space back.

And if donating your lime Jell-O is a sacrifice, then do it. Just make sure you donate that can of pears too. Because Minnesotans can’t eat lime Jell-O without pears.

Ok, in defense of my son and Simon, I needed to write a follow up to yesterday’s “Little Joe” posting.  When the boys came upstairs a bit later, I asked them if they had found the story of Little Joe.  Noah said, “No.  We could only find the one where he was thrown into the hole (aka well).”  (Genesis 37).  Very cool!  I guess Noah has been listening as we’ve been connecting the Veggie Tales stories with true Biblical accounts!

Noah had his good buddy Simon over to play today.  A little bit ago, I meandered downstairs to see what the boys were up to.  They were sitting on Noah’s bed intently pouring over his children’s Bible.  Here is our conversation as it transpired.

Me:  Hey guys.  How’s it going?
Simon:  Good.
Noah:  I’m trying to find the story of Little Joe in here.  Simon doesn’t know that one and I want to read it to him.  I just know it’s in here somewhere…
Me: turn and walk out of the room before I bust out laughing.

(For those of you that don’t know, Little Joe is the Veggie Tale version of Joseph (Genesis 37-47).  They are going to have to look a long time to find a Cucumber and a Tomato in that children’s Bible!)

Amazing how Veggie Tales is shaping the theology of a generation. 

The date was January 2008. Mike and I were overwhelmed by our financial state. We were trying so hard to pay off debt, but never felt as though we were making any headway. I was discouraged and frustrated. Our friends, Skip and Carolyn had recently finished a class at their church called, Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. God had been reminding me of this in various times and various ways for a number of weeks. One night in January, I took the plunge and ordered the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. This book is based on his Financial Peace University class.

Little did I know how this book was about to change my life. I’m excited to report that 10 months later, we have paid off $11,316.78 in debt! To God alone be the glory! We also cut up every single one of our credit cards and haven’t looked back (or even needed them for that matter!) We are not done yet. We still have a lot of debt to pay off…everything from car loans to student loans, but we are on our way to living debt free.

I can’t begin to express to you the freedom that has come along with this. I no longer feel enslaved to bills and finances. I’m no longer fearful about the future of our finances. Although getting out of debt had been our goal all along, we needed help knowing a “logical” way to pay off our debts and keep a budget.

In the past year, God has taught me a fundamental truth…He will always provide. Since going down to one income, I had come to trust the plastic in my wallet before even allowing God the opportunity to provide. I don’t think I really believed that He could or would provide for me in a practical, everyday sort of way. I’d read His promises in Scripture, but I didn’t apply them to my life. I had turned borrowing money into a god in my life instead of trusting the One who provides. I don’t think I really believed His promises like those in Philippians 4:19, “My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” God has (and still is) having to change my mindset about needs vs. wants in life. He has faithfully provided for every one of our needs and always on time. God is faithful to everyone of His promises. He has (and continues) to provide in some very unusual and some miraculous ways.

October 26th. Happy 4th Birthday Noah! Wow, it is impossible to believe that you are already 4 years old! (I’m stuck by how quickly time passes. More and more, I wish I had a pause button to push on life.)

Noah, I’m so proud of who you are. You are someone who loves deeply. God is going to use that to accomplish great things in and through you. You have the gift of love and compassion. You care deeply. It is awesome to see that in you! I know that at times you are going to bear the weight of the world on your shoulders (kind of like your mom!) but I also know that this sort of love is an amazing gift. I love your laugh, your smile and most of all your wink. (You know exactly when and how to use that!) Daddy and I marvel as we watch your love of music develop – drums and guitars are such a huge part of our home right now. It’s so fun to play Legos and make-believe with you. Every day with you is an adventure! Your inquisitive mind certainly keeps me on my toes! 4 is a very cool age and you are a very cool kid!

Happy Birthday Buddy! I pray that you have a spectacular year as you grow in God’s grace and love!
Love, Mommy

I have some exciting news to announce…The Bruder family is growing! We are expecting a baby around April 28th, 2009! (Keeping in mind my track record of long pregnancies, we are expecting this little one to arrive sometime in May).

As of this writing, I am 13 weeks along. I’m ecstatic to let you know that the baby is healthy! I’ve even felt it move two times. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good!

To answer the question you probably are thinking…Yes, this child came as a surprise to us. That being said, we feel like it’s impossible to be anything but excited about the gift of a healthy baby! The loss of two babies puts this into crystal clear perspective.

We have known about this baby for almost 8 weeks. I found that I wasn’t ready to share with anyone until we knew everything was normal. The first 7 weeks of knowing (but not sharing) were quite a faith journey for us. The Lord surrounded me with his peace from almost the moment we found out.

One night, I was complaining to Mike that I was feeling extremely tired. He jokingly made the remark, “You aren’t pregnant, are you?” That thought pestered me for the next few days. 3 days later I took a test and it was positive. Wow.

We made a phone call to my midwife, Katherine Simon. Over the next several days, she had me begin the process of having my hcg levels tested. My hormones were multiplying at an appropriate rate. That was good news!

A week later, I was able to get in for an ultrasound. I figured I was almost 7 weeks along at that point. We went in for the ultrasound and the tech (who was an amazing, compassionate woman) couldn’t find the heartbeat on the external ultrasound. I set myself up for loss. However, when as she started the internal ultrasound, she found a heartbeat. PTL! A big surprise to us was that I was only 5 weeks, 4 days along. It is normally impossible to see a heartbeat until 6+ weeks of pregnancy. I consider the reality of seeing the heartbeat nothing short of a gift from God! The coolest thing for me was the realization that our baby’s heart had probably only started beating with the past 24 hours! Our God is an amazing Creator!

Fast forward nearly 5 weeks and Mike and I found ourselves in the office of my midwife. She answered all my questions and tried to find the heartbeat. She was unable to do so. It was interesting because I knew nothing was wrong. When she couldn’t find Glory Baby’s heartbeat, I knew in my heart we had lost the baby. This time, I simply knew everything was ok. This baby was fine. I knew that with every ounce of my being.

Katherine was able to get me in for an ultrasound within the hour. What a blessing to see a healthy, squirming baby dancing around! Wow. Life truly is a miracle and something I can’t take for granted! We had the same marvelous ultrasound tech again this time. She spent nearly 45 minutes with me, simply allowing me to watch the baby. She held the ultrasound still and I was able to just watch this little miracle move around. Talk about a moment of awe! I fell in love.

Here is our first public photo of Baby Bruder #5!

As we move ahead, we ask you for your prayers…
- For our baby to continue to grow and develop in a healthy manner until it’s arrival!
- That I have the physical strength/energy I need to care for Noah and Levi each day.
- For the Lord’s provision surrounding the arrival of this new blessing.
- For our family as we learn how to have 3 kids, only 4.5 years apart! This is overwhelming to me at times. I struggle with how I’ll ever meet the needs of all three of my children.

Thank you for your joy, your excitement and your willingness to share in this journey!

October 15th.  Wow, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the reality of my baby being 1 year old today!  Time goes so quickly.  I think it has sped up with the addition of Levi to our family.  There are so many days that I wish I could press “pause.”

Today was a day to celebrate Levi and to thank God for the gift of his life.  Mike took the day off of work and we just spent time together as a family.  Our morning was spent hanging out and opening Levi’s presents.  We celebrated his birthday lunch with Wouletts’ cupcakes (a family favorite!).  After naptime, we went to Aamodt’s Apple Orchard and had a blast!  On our way home, we stopped at Red Robin for supper.  While at supper, Levi learned how to drink out of a straw, was sung to and had a hot fudge sundae (most of which he graciously shared with the rest of us!)  The entire day was a fun celebration!

I have been reflecting upon Levi’s birth today.  Levi entered the world 11 days late.  The wait was long, but when he decided he was ready to come, boy was he ready!

I woke up in labor on October 15 at 2:30 am.  I remember leaning over to Mike and saying, “I think I’m in labor.”  What I meant was, “This is it!”  What Mike, in his sleep-deprived mind heard was, “Probably another false alarm.”  At 2:50, Noah called me into his room.  After comforting him for a few minutes (and dealing with a contraction at the same time), I called Mike in and was able to tell him that this was really it! ☺  We still chuckle about how long it took us to get our communication signals working!

We called our midwife and she told me to take a hot shower and call her back in an hour.  Well, my gut told me we shouldn’t sit idle. We called my parents and told them to come over.  By the time I took my shower and continued my stretches, my contractions were getting rather close together.  My parents arrived shortly after 3:30 am.  We called my midwife back and I convinced her that it really was time.  (My labor with Noah was 15+ hours so none of us, my midwife included, really expected any need to rush!)

Mike and I arrived at the hospital around 4 am.  By the time we parked, walked up to labor & delivery and got assessed, I was dilated to 8! (My midwife later confessed to me that when the hospital called her to give her an update, she ran 4 stoplights to make it to the hospital in time!)

My labor with Levi was exactly as I had prayed it would be.  I was able to give birth to him naturally.  I have never felt more like my body was doing exactly what it was created to do than during this labor.  I look forward to my labors.  For me, labor is a powerful, earthy experience.  It is a time when Mike and I need to work together unlike any other. It is a very intimate experience.  It is a time when I stand in awe of how God created my body and how He brings life into the world.

Levi came hard and fast.  At the hospital, I remember thinking that I just wanted a hair-twistie to keep my hair out of my face, but there wasn’t time to open my suitcase!  At 6:32 am, 4 hours after waking up in labor, Levi Alan entered the world!  What a time of celebration!  Levi weighed 8#9 oz, and was 21.5″ long.

From the time we first held Levi against our chests, he has been a great source of joy to our family!  Since his birth, we have called him “our bundle of joy.”  From his earliest days he has brought smiles and laughter to our household.  He has changed so much in this year.  He has gone from being a snuggly newborn who would sleep on my chest each afternoon to a gerber-faced, pudgy infant.  Now he is an out-going toddler who is walking all over and is always on the verge of cracking a grin. Levi is our comedian.  He tries to make us smile and giggles with glee when he does.  His belly laughs often echo through our home as he plays with Noah, begs to be tickled or the boys wrestle with daddy.  I truly do stand in awe of the gift of this child. I eagerly anticipate seeing what God has in store for Levi.  I love you buddy!  You are our bundle of joy!  Happy Birthday!

I’m sure this list will be ever expanding, but here are some things I’ve learned since becoming a mom (in no particular order)….

1.  How busy life is with boys…no piece of furniture is safe.  In most cases it is either a trampoline or a hurdle.
2.  That my children teach me a magnitude about faith, love and trust.
3.  That each day I’d learn what it means to die to self and put the needs of someone else before mine.
4.  That my swiffer is also a guitar, race car, and fire hose.
5.  The meaning and sheer depth of unconditional love.
6.  That somehow at the end of the most difficult day, I can look back and find reasons to smile.
7.  That I could fall even more in love with my husband as I watch him wrestle, build and play with the boys.
8.  How eerie, humbling and sometimes convicting it is to see my “isms” reflected in my boys.
9.  That my every move is watched and mimicked…especially when I least realize it.
10.  That anything of substantial height is a mountain needing to be scaled.
11.  That parenting really is the toughest job I could ever love.
12.  The feeling in my heart when two big blue eyes look up at me and impulsively say, “I love you, Mom” or “You’re the best mom in the world.”
13.  That I don’t have all the “answers” for being a mom.
14.  The number of hours I would spend pretending to be someone I am not (Dora, Wendy from Bob the Builder, Princess Presto and Wonder Red to name a few…)
16.  How astounding it is to see faith develop in my children.
17.  That one of my best role models of perseverance and resilience would be found in my 11-month-old son as he learns to walk.
18.  That my Mission Field would begin in my own home and go out from there.
19.  The power of touch.
20.  That sometimes all I can do is pray. (And if I only realized this sooner, the day would be a lot better off!)
21.  That my children can be prayer warriors.
22. The depth of which my heart would ache when my child is hurting.
23. What it means to have “faith like a child.”
24. That I wish life had a “pause” button.